


Nemesis Is Love

by ByArasDesign



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Attacks, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health issues revolving around Philophobia and Atychiphobia, Mentions of minor character deaths, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-30
Updated: 2014-08-30
Packaged: 2018-02-15 09:24:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2223834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ByArasDesign/pseuds/ByArasDesign
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(AU): A multi millionaire with severe Philophobia and an ex-juvenile delinquent with a moderate dosage of Atychiphobia. What could possibly go wrong?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nemesis Is Love

**Author's Note:**

> _Castiel Novak has what many a man would sell his soul for; a successful architectural firm, wealth, even a 2.5 million dollar ranch which he designed and built himself in Lyons, Colorado. Castiel should be the model of achievement and wants across the board, but that doesn’t really make someone truly happy, does it?_
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> _Happiness is not found in things or titles, but rather in a well tended heart, cultivated in yielding soil by loving hands. Castiel’s heart though has become a wasteland in the wake of loss, abandonment and betrayal which began when he was just a child, and the waves of which flow ashore of the present. Then enters a man whose whole life fits in a sea bag strapped to his back…_
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> _Dean Winchester is making a fresh start by hopping on a bus heading for a town he randomly picked on a map. He doesn’t have much he is leaving behind or taking with him. He’s spent most of his teens and twenties at a boy’s home for juveniles who just can’t seem to keep their shit straight or have been simply thrown away. Dean has both those things going for him. What was a two year sentence turned into something permanent when his father gave him two choices: stay, or come home to be shipped off to military school. He chose to make the place his home and went from a delinquent to mentoring young men with the same problems he had when he arrived._
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> _Despite all the children he has helped piece back together, he can’t seem to mend himself from the knowledge that he’s failed at being a son, a brother and at life in general. Then Castiel Novak, a shattered man, enters his life. Dean sets to doing what comes naturally to him, mending the broken and helping the lost find their way back. What he finds while restoring one man’s faith, is his own road to forgiving himself…_
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>  **SPECIAL NOTE:** I'm aware that Lyons, Colorado was devastated by flood waters when the damn overflowed in 2013. The town has a way to go before making a full recovery but I'm in love with the setting of the town and have been wanting attend the annual Folks and Bluegrass festivals held there for years. So, for the sake of this story, the town is in full recovery. New businesses have moved in and are run by some familiar characters. :) Because of that, I will not place a year setting.
> 
>  **SOUNDTRACK:** I did put together a soundtrack for this story. You can listen to it here [[X](http://8tracks.com/ara-claire/nemesis-is-love)] on 8Tracks and I have a playlist on Spotify with these songs as well as others that helped during the writing process. You can listen to it here [[X](http://open.spotify.com/user/arasiriel/playlist/5kXT2LOojiCu9HPfvZtkCo)]
> 
>  **TUMBLR:** If you want to follow my stories on Tumblr, you can find the hub here [[X](http://byarasdesign.tumblr.com/)]  
>  If you want to follow my main tumblr, you can find it here [[X](http://arasiriel.tumblr.com/mainpage)]

 

 

CHAPTER ONE **Mr. Sunset and Mr. Sunrise**

 

_I began to trace things by their disappearance. Alone in the room, my memory, and anticipated darkness going for light._

_\- Proportion Surviving, Renee Gladman_

 

 

 

 

Castiel inhaled sharply as he was jarred awake by his alarm clock. Instead of turning it off right away, he stared at it unblinking. The insistent buzzing filled the room, but he remained still. His gaze unwavering until :00 on the digital display turned to :01. Reaching out, he pushed the button to quiet it.

Then came the worst sound of all- silence.

Looking up to the ceiling, he rested his hand on his bare chest and waited. It was a scheduled pause. He spent the time trying to find faces in the shadows that the trees outside his window cast. Their movement from the approaching winter, relaxing. The lingering numbness was a reprieve from the anxiety he fell into bed with just hours ago. Sighing, he tried not to think about the past, pushing it down as he swallowed hard against the lump in his throat.

The scent of coffee began wafting into his room and he glanced over to his clock again. :07 turned to :08 and the beep from his coffee maker signaled him to move again. Castiel rose from his bed and made his way to the kitchen. Once there he glanced at the clock on his coffee maker and sighed before reaching up to grab a cup from the cabinet.

This is what his life had become. His moments were now motivated by the digital numbers on a clock and alarms. These programmed alerts he set out of necessity. They notified him when one moment ended and another began. To think of the future and, god forbid, the past would have him spiraling. Those thoughts always led him down a treacherous road. A road that ended with him crawling back into his bed, and covering his head until he could galvanize his resolve once more to attempt rising again. No, he had to get to work even though his presence wasn’t actually needed.

At thirty-three, he had gone from architect to project manager to owning a highly successful architectural firm which had just landed a spot in the top 300 firms in the Country. He was never sure if the firm would have been as successful or even gotten off the ground in the first place if life circumstances had been different. After all, his life plan had included a wife, children, and a white picket fence. They would have required his devotion over his career. But that was then, and this was now.

Castiel slammed his coffee cup down on the counter and then braced himself with both hands firmly against the counter-top as he leaned his body against it, his head resting against the cool surface of the cabinet above. He closed his eyes against the tears that were already burning their way forward and took a deep inhale. A shaky exhale followed as he grappled with his thoughts and pushed them down. He wasn’t thinking of Anna, Ezekiel or even his brother Gabriel today- he just couldn’t.

He sniffed and righted himself before taking the cup and pouring some coffee into it. Looking at the clock, he frowned. He was running behind.

He downed two cups before pouring the remains of the pot into a thermal mug to take with him and headed to the shower.

 

~*~

 

 

 

The bus’ brakes screeched as it came to a stop and red clay kicked up and dusting everything around it. Dean stood, grabbing his sea bag filled with all the possessions he owned, and made his way to the front. “You sure you want off here?” the bus driver asked, concerned.

Dean gave him a reassuring smile. “Yeah man. This is great Sal, you’re going in another direction and I can walk to town from here.”

“Okay.” Sal sighed, still reluctant to let Dean off in a place that wasn’t a bus station. “Well, town is six miles that’a way. You’ll need to cut through using that road.” Sal pointed to the road right outside the doors which he then opened. “Had to take it a number of times when road construction made me detour. It’s a red dusty mess for a little bit but turns into pavement quarter of a way there. Just follow it straight and you’ll be in town. Lyons is small but friendly. A little Mayberry meets Northern Exposure.”

Dean huffed, his smile widening. “Sounds exactly like my kind of town.”

Sal tilted his head and narrowed his eyes at Dean before asking once again, “You sure you’re okay me just letting you off here? Boulder is larger and I’ll be stopping at an actual bus stop.”

Dean adjusted his sea bag which he had just hefted onto his shoulders and looked down the long red road that would lead into town. He sighed before turning an assuring smile to Sal. “Very sure.” He slapped his hand on Sal’s shoulder as an extra measure to reassure the older man. In the long drive from Kansas to Colorado, he and the older man had gained a bit of a rapport. He knew the older man’s concern was genuine. Something about that gave Dean a good feeling which was only dampened by the knowledge that if Sal actually knew him, that friendliness wouldn’t last long.

Sal gave Dean a small smile and a nod. Dean gave Sal’s shoulder a light squeeze and then removed his hand. “Take care of yourself Sal.”

“Yeah, you too Dean.”

With that, Dean made his way down the steps of the bus. He heard the doors close and the bus pull away. He didn’t look back, just kept his eyes on the path before him, not wanting to risk turning into a pillar of salt or, in this case, change his mind and flag Sal down. It’s not what he really wanted anyway. This was a new chapter and while he was anxious, he was excited too. As he walked, he pulled his jacket tighter against him and zipped it up to his chin. Colorado was colder than he thought it was going to be since it was just now turning Fall, but the brisk air made him feel alive- free. He put his hands in his pockets and continued walking.

~*~

 

Castiel grabbed the coffee and his briefcase off the counter and made quick steps to his front door. When he opened it, an envelope fell to the ground in front of him. He looked at it and frowned. Turning his sights to the right and to the left, he saw no one. Sighing, he tossed his briefcase into the porch swing and sat his thermus down. He bent over and picked up the envelope that had his name scrawled over the front of it. Castiel gave another look around him before he opened it up and began reading. His frown grew deeper and his brow pinched a little tighter with each sentence he read.

 

Castiel crumpled up the letter and envelope and threw both angrily. A gust of cold air whipped them back towards him where they landed at his feet. He stared at them for a moment before rubbing a hand down his face and then bent to pick them up. He shoved them into the pocket of his slacks so his hands were free to pick up his briefcase and coffee.

His ranch once had several hands to help care for the place and his horses but after Ezekiel left, everyone on the ranch noticed the change. At first they sympathized, but he resented it. He didn’t need their pity. He rejected every empathetic word, every show of kindness, every platitude of persistent patience. Something about their gentle words and offered companionship made his skin crawl. The notion that any of them actually wanted to be around him was perceived a lie, and any kind words were only motivated by feeling sorry for him. Frankly, Ezekiel had showed him just how paper thin love was and Anna’s death proved just how temporary.

Castiel slammed the door of his Dodge Dakota and started the engine. So yeah, everyone had gradually quit. Lucus was the only one who stayed, until now. _'Which is fine by me’_ , Castiel thought, but deep inside there was an ache. It was the pain of loneliness that he chose to ignore because after all, everyone ended up leaving him one way or another. Letting someone in meant getting used to their presence. It meant trusting and counting on forever. It meant believing in happy endings or in some God who loved him, neither of which fit into hard, cold reality. It meant unbearable pain.

He was pulled from his thoughts when he noticed his hands shaking and his breaths quickening. He gripped the steering wheel and tried to steady his breathing. Then a thought occurred to him as it had many times before- he could just drive his truck into the mountains and jump off the highest peak. There would be no one to miss him when he was gone, no one to mourn. The firm would be in capable hands, his employees taken care of. There really was no reason to be forced to keep feeling this. Suddenly, he realized there was nothing left to reason against the idea, and it felt like the best idea he’d had in years. Instantly he felt the pressure lift and he became eerily calm. Putting his truck into drive, he pulled out of his driveway and entered the long stretch of road that cut through the ranch and to the main street towards the mountains.

 

~*~

 

Passing a row of pasture fencing, Dean glanced up to see several horses running and playing. Seeing them made him smile and without realizing he had changed course, he found himself leaning on the fence watching. It was instantly taking him back to Kansas to the boy’s home that had been his own home since he was fourteen. How he had gotten there in the first place or what caused him to stay even after his ‘sentence’ was up were not great memories . Everything after though? Nothing but fond memories. They had horses there and it was Dean’s job to care for them. It’s how he earned his keep. Later, when he went on to helping with the boys much like himself that would come and go, he still kept on taking care of the horses.

He watched for a few more moments before seeing something out of the corner of his eye. It was a mare, white with a golden mane. She was beautiful, but she was also favoring her right leg. Dean frowned and without even thinking he dropped his sea bag and jumped the fence. It could just be something was stuck in her hoof that needed picking. Anything making a horse limp was never a good thing because even a stuck rock had the potential to permanently lame a horse. Slowly he approached her, making sure she could see him. She flinched just a bit like she was going to run but knowing her hoof was having troubles, she seemed to think better of it. Her nose flared and sniffed picking up his scent. She turned her head, her golden eye never leaving Dean’s.

“Hey sweetheart. Hey, not going to hurt you. Just need to see what’s going on with your hoof. See if I can help you out a bit.”

Her muscles stopped twitching which was a good sign so he continued to approach her till he was right up on her. He reached out and made gentle strokes on her shoulder and neck. “There you go. Yeah, not going to hurt you. Name’s Dean, what’s yours? Huh? You sure are pretty.” Dean continued to stroke her while making sweet talk and obviously she was charmed since she started nuzzling and nibbling on his jacket. “Yeah, I like you too. Listen, the whole reason I’m here is to check your hoof. Now, I’m going to do that. Hope I’m not getting too personal too soon.” Dean chuckled and she shook her head in response. “Okay then, good.” Dean stood in front of her but off to the side. He centered his balance just in case she changed her mind and bolted. He bent over and tapped the back of her leg letting her know what he was about to do. To his surprise she automatically picked her leg up. He was expecting to have to force the issue, but she was obviously ready to feel better.

He held her leg and frowned when he got a good look at her frog. “Oh baby girl, we need to find your owner and get that treated before it becomes a major problem.” He let go of her leg and nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard a solid, deep and annoyed voice.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

Dean turned to see a man whose face was obscured by the mid-morning sun shining behind him. He was standing beside a pickup truck with his arms crossed over his chest. Dean wasn’t phased and started approaching the fence. “Is this your horse?”

Castiel tried to keep his observations of the man jumping the fence and approaching him hushed but was failing. The man had obviously won the gene pool-lotto because Castiel had never seen anyone more perfect. His mouth went dry and suddenly he felt exposed even though the man had done nothing more than jump a fence and walk toward him.

A feeble, “Yes” was all he could manage.

When Dean was standing just a few feet from the man he finally got a good look at him. He was dressed in a white dress shirt, blue tie, black slacks and a khaki colored trench coat which Dean thought was odd for how cold it was. What really got his attention were intense blue eyes and the freshly fucked head of hair he was sporting. The man was hot. Dean smiled internally as he replied, “Your horse has thrush. It’s going to need treatment.”

Castiel frowned, “This is private property.” His frown deepened hearing his own words. That was not what he had intended to say.

Dean chuckled. “Yeah, I get that. Your horse has thrush.” This guy was hot but odd he assessed.

Castiel finally got his wit about him and asked, “Thrush?”

Dean nodded. “Yeah, like an infection. It needs to be treated right away or it can get bad quick. She’s already lame. Not bad yet, but it’s just going to get worse.”

Castiel’s eyes shot to Scout, Anna’s horse. He had forgotten about the horses in his ‘end my life’ plan and he instantly felt guilty. _'Well fuck'._

He deflated, shoulders slagging and arms falling to his side. “I don’t know what that is or how to treat it.” Castiel said still looking at Scout. “And the man who cared for them quit this morning.”

Dean knew broken when he saw it. Years of trying to rebuild broken kids had given him the ability to see it no matter how hard people shoved it down. This man was broken to hell and even though Dean should know better, the natural need to mend the pieces kicked in anyway. _'Ah hell'_.

“Well, you’ll need to get a vet to come out and cut some of it out, but I can help with all the after treatment or I can teach you how to do it yourself.”

“That won’t be necessary.” Castiel replied quickly, almost cutting the other man off. Immediately he regretted it as he watched the man’s expression change from cheerful to completely let down. He was suddenly hit with the urge to bring the cheer back. _'Wait. What?'_

Dean nodded, trying to not let the guy know how disappointed he was. He would need to find a job and if this guy was down a handler then he would love to take it. He turned to go retrieve his sea bag when Castiel finally spoke up, “I- I meant teaching me would not be necessary. I don’t- usually deal with the horses. I have no interest in it.” The last part was a flat out lie, but one layered in too much pain to say anything else contrary.

Dean turned to him and the happiness starting to come back. Castiel almost sighed in relief. _'Shit.'_

“Are you looking for a job?” Castiel added and mentally kicked himself. He wasn’t planning on being alive much longer so what the fuck was he doing? Dean smiled wide then and Castiel almost gasped. It was frankly the most amazing sight he had ever seen.

“Yeah, actually I am.” Dean said, walking back to Castiel.

“And you know how to care for horses?” Castiel asked, leveling his eyes on those glinting greens that reminded him of a meadow filled with green grass sprinkled with yellow wildflowers during Spring. It was an odd thing to think and likely ranked up in the top hundred of the most cliche’ things ever, but it didn’t make it any less true.

“Yes sir. Been doing it since I was fourteen.”

Wincing at the ‘Sir’, he offered. “Castiel. Castiel Novak.”

Dean reached out his hand enthusiastically, “Dean. Dean Winchester.”

Castiel stared at his offered hand for a moment and then reached out and grasped it firmly. That’s when it hit Castiel, this was the first time he had touched another human being in over a year and he wasn’t sure if the twist in his chest was from becoming aware of that fact or because of the man whose hand was in his. Their hands stayed clasped longer than either intended, eyes locked.

It was Dean who took the initiative and let go first, clearing his throat.

“Where were you heading when Scout got your attention?” Castiel put a hand on his hip, tilting his head to look around Dean’s shoulder at the Sea Bag still sitting in the grass against the fence.

“Uh, into town. Lyons?” Dean answered.

“Do you have a way to get out here to take care of the horses?”

At that Dean pulled a blank. “Uh, shit. I didn’t think of that.”

“Fortunately for you, I did. I have a couple of cabins on my ranch that my hands used to live in. You are free to one.” Castiel offered.

Dean thought about it but was reluctant to accept. He had enough money put back to get him through for a little while staying a Motel 8 but surely not enough to pay for a cabin. “How much?” He asked and Castiel’s head tilted more than what should be humanly possible and then finally it happened. A smile curled his lips. It wasn’t a big one, just a hint. Castiel felt like reaching up and touching his own mouth. It had been a year since he had even so much as smirked. He shook his head in as much disbelief that he was smiling as he was that Dean would assume he would have to pay rent while he paid him to take care of the horses.

“Cabin is rent free and I pay on the utilities, you just need to keep up with your own provisions.”

“Whoa, wait. That’s too much if you’re planning on paying me too.” He threw up a hand, shaking his head in disbelief.

“Dean?” Castiel’s smile widened.

“Seriously though man. Taking care of horses isn’t that big of a deal, really.”

“Dean!” Castiel said a little more assertively than intended but still wearing a smile.

Dean lock his eyes on Castiel’s deep blues and stopped talking.

“I’m wealthy, I can afford it. Do you have money for provisions?”

Dean nodded, mouth parted and eyes wide. “Yeah, but.” He started but was cut off when Castiel put his hand up, palm out in a gesture pretty much ending any further protests.

“Hop in the truck and you can ride with me into town. I’ll speak to the vet and you can shop for the things you need.” Castiel said and turned heading back to the driver side of the truck. Dean stood there staring after the man before the slamming of the truck’s door snapped him out of it. He quickly retrieved his sea bag which he threw into the bed of the truck and climbed into the warm cabin of the truck. He closed the door to the cold and turned to Castiel who had obscured his eyes behind a pair of Raybans, much to Dean’s disappointment. Castiel gave him a tight lipped smile. “Ready?” He asked and Dean nodded, still stunned.

Castiel put the truck into gear and pulled back into the road heading into town and away from the mountains.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
